For some it will soon be time to go out and learn stuff again, so I want to drop a few lines about that sometimes hated topic High School.
Being raised in Germany, I only know the American version of High School through movies (like "Teen Wolf", hehe) and my new nephew and nieces here in America, but the principles should be very similar - after all, it's a whole crowd of teenage kids stuffed together in a concrete building, while each of these teenagers is going through a whole lot of changes all by themselves.
My most important thought on High School:
It is OK to be different!
I was never part of the "in crowd", and I never regretted it. OK, I was lonely a lot, but I also did not have to hang out with jerks all the time, and in my High School it was mostly jerks that formed the groups.
What I should have done more was find friends - other people like me who did not take part in the "in crowds" activities, other people who often hung out alone. Try that. Human beings are very social beings, and not being social you miss out a lot. Besides, it is necessary training for the future. In my case, not having many friends and spening most time with myself (and TV and tapes and books and later video games), my social skills lacked a lot until the end of High School when I finally started to think for myself.
So don't close yourself to people, but find the ones that might fit your own views. And let them be who they are. And if they are a few years younger than you, who cares ? My best friend for years was two years younger than me, and when we founded a Dixieland Jazz Band out of parts of the school Big Band, I again was the oldest by two years. So what ? It still was fun, it still was better than sitting alone at home doing nothing. Besides, the band occasionally brought in good money ;-)
The sad part about growing up is that puberty and High School don't fit too well together. School was meant be a place where you get prepared for your adult life, and that should include growing up, too, I think. But there are not many places that prepare you for the turmoil of feelings and emotions and weird thoughts that start happening during puberty, just when you got comfortable being in that new school. Pretty much everyone of a certain age goes through it, although a lot of them won't know, others who know won't admit it - which is OK, too.
Puberty is a lot about experimenting, finding out more about yourself, re-creating yourself again and again until you find a new self - sometimes only to throw the new identity away just a few days later. It can be a confusing and frustrating time. But it will go away with time.
You may also have some fights with your parents. Believe me, that's normal! It may or may not be a good thing to research the topic puberty a bit and maybe on a calmer day discuss it with your family so they know what is going on with you. That may be a good opportunity to talk with your parents before the phase "I don't wanna be seen with my parents right now!" sets in. There will be a whole lot of things happening, and it is different for everyone.
Some people turn completely upside down, others do nothing else but rebel against anything, others don't really change that much, others just want to be left alone.
I think it is important in this time to have someone you can trust and talk to - and if you don't have anyone else, why not your parents ? Believe me, they went through the same thing in their youth. If they have completely different views and opinions from you or if you think they have always been bad parents or if you think they don't listen to you, anyway, or if they don't appreciate you - so what ? Try it - it may open each other up to a whole new relationship. The openness and willingness to talk is important. And if they really do not make an effort of understanding you, try to stay calm at least once or twice and let them know. As long as you can stay calm, let them know what you think you need from them.
Try not to make it sound like accusations - tell it from your perspective, e.g. "I feel like no one listens to me" or "I feel lonely" or "What can I do to help you understand me better ?". Also tell them what you need - as far as you feel comfortable. It is OK if you don't feel like sharing your innermost secrets with them - again: IT IS OK! Go only as far as you feel comfortable! But having someone to talk to is very helpful, I think. It could be just a kind lady next door (I had a lady like that a block away, and I occasionally picked wild flowers from the fields around and brought her some, and we talked, and I entertained her with things I had picked up earlier - it was one of the highlights of the day for me to be heard and liked and accepted).
One show on TV that often shows the troubles of being a teenager, even with relatively understanding parents, is "Joan of Arcadia". I think this is one of the few shows with really well thought out characters and realistic behavior - I am very impressed with the writing, and it also has some good funny moments every now and then.
Now I am not sure if anyone at all is reading this, but if you have any questions, please let me know using a comment - you can post anonymous comments, too!
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Some things I believe (part 2)
Try this:
Think back for a while, far back into your childhood or early adolescence. Think of events (both good and bad) that have influenced you for life. If you found one, think of another...
I found way too many "coincidences" in my life this way. I am not saying "oh, poor me, look at how bad I had it" and am definitely not fishing for compliments or attention, but yes, I did consider my childhood a sad and lonely one. And the only reason why I am pointing this out here is that nearly every single "bad" event in my life was necessary for me to learn something very important.
Let me give you an example (more will undoubtedly follow with time):
As a child, I trusted everyone, and I don't remember anyone or anything ever telling me differently. Now trust is a good thing, but you have to learn the conditions of trust, and I was a very slow learner on subjects like this one... So other kids abused my trust, told me to do stupid things, I did them - and I got into trouble for them. Happened all the time. I cannot change these events today, but I can look back and learn from them and think what I could have done differently, and I can pass on what I learnt. That is probably the best thing you can do with negative experiences!
Now, one day just before musical education started (by that time I was already known as a "troublemaker"), one of the real troublemakers in my grade came over to me to show me a neat "trick". He told me to rub the inside of my hand for a while and then smell it. I did that, and when I held me hand close to my face to smell it, he slapped the back of my hand which would usually just make my hand slap myself, but his movement pushed one of my fingers into my eye. No damage was done, but it still hurt (both physically and emotionally), and I started screaming like crazy. The teacher came in just 5 seconds after (perfect timing amongst the staff was another one of the things that kept happening to me), and at once he told me to be quiet and sit down.
OK, what did I learn from this ?
First, know the person in front of you. If he is a known troublemaker, you can give him the benefit of doubt (he may just have acquired a bad reputation by bad luck just like me), but you may still want to be cautious. If he deserves the reputation, he is not likely to show you a trick out of the goodness of his heart...
Second, stop trusting everyone!!! Build a wall around yourself!!! Don't let anyone in ever again!!!
Third (about 10 years later), open this stupid wall that you built, you fool!
Yes, you may learn things that you will regret later, but you can still learn new things. Once you stop learning, what is left ?!?
Another problem you may run into (especially before adulthood) is that all the lessons are right there in front of your eyes, but you just can't see them. The incident I just described happened when I was in 5th grade and about 11 years old, but I only started learning the lessons in it when school was nearly over, when I was 19 and older. Actually, most things I only learnt after I was about 22 or older, and now being 30 I still keep looking back and learning new things saying "Duh! Why didn't I think about that earlier ?". But experience (any type of experience) will make it easier to detect lessons.
One day I will ramble on about my life and the various stages it took, but now the topic is Faith.
You may think now, OK, he has had a few bad things happen to him, and he managed to learn something from it - what has that got to do with faith ?
Well, think about it this way: What if none of these "bad" events had ever happened to me ?
I would most likely have led a protected and "innocent" life, never any trouble - never any need to grow up, no need to learn what life is about, not knowing that too much trust can be just as bad as no trust...
In one sentence: If these things had not happened, I would have NOTHING of what I have today - no experience, no knowledge, not my current life (that I like, and it keeps getting better), not my wonderful wife - and certainly not this Blog :-)
So, next time something bad happens to you, wait a while until you have had a chance to calm down. Close your eyes and relax and let your feelings simmer down, then think back. What could you have done differently ? Would you do something differently next time ?
And if you are young, you may learn things from it that are too extreme and will push you from one extreme to another, but that is what learning is about: Making mistakes and correcting them, and finding the Golden Middle.
And again: What about faith ?
Well, I figured, why did all these events take place in my life ?
To destroy me ? Then they failed.
To strengthen me ? Oh, mamma, you betcha!
Where did they come from ? Can a 15 year long (or even longer) series of countless events whose only purpose seem to be to force me to learn the most important lessons of my life be coincidences ?
This is where faith comes in.
If you don't have any, your answer will most likely be "bah, still coincidences, happen to everyone."
If you believe in something, you may say "yea, someone was looking out for you, making sure you learn."
I believe it couldn't have been planned any better.
The best part is: Now that I HAVE learnt my lessons and am practising as many of the good things I learnt as possible, more and more "good" coincidences are happening to me. This ties in with my last post - good action equals good re-action. Not necessarily every single time, but in the sum, in the larger image.
Yes, I am still experiencing times of misfortune, and I am very (too) critical about myself and constantly watching my actions and trying to make myself a better person. But I am so much happier with myself, in spite of or BECAUSE of all the "bad" things that used to happen to me.
Let me end this one with a little phrase:
Don't call it a "problem" - call it a "challenge"!
Again, comments are very welcome and will all be read!
Think back for a while, far back into your childhood or early adolescence. Think of events (both good and bad) that have influenced you for life. If you found one, think of another...
I found way too many "coincidences" in my life this way. I am not saying "oh, poor me, look at how bad I had it" and am definitely not fishing for compliments or attention, but yes, I did consider my childhood a sad and lonely one. And the only reason why I am pointing this out here is that nearly every single "bad" event in my life was necessary for me to learn something very important.
Let me give you an example (more will undoubtedly follow with time):
As a child, I trusted everyone, and I don't remember anyone or anything ever telling me differently. Now trust is a good thing, but you have to learn the conditions of trust, and I was a very slow learner on subjects like this one... So other kids abused my trust, told me to do stupid things, I did them - and I got into trouble for them. Happened all the time. I cannot change these events today, but I can look back and learn from them and think what I could have done differently, and I can pass on what I learnt. That is probably the best thing you can do with negative experiences!
Now, one day just before musical education started (by that time I was already known as a "troublemaker"), one of the real troublemakers in my grade came over to me to show me a neat "trick". He told me to rub the inside of my hand for a while and then smell it. I did that, and when I held me hand close to my face to smell it, he slapped the back of my hand which would usually just make my hand slap myself, but his movement pushed one of my fingers into my eye. No damage was done, but it still hurt (both physically and emotionally), and I started screaming like crazy. The teacher came in just 5 seconds after (perfect timing amongst the staff was another one of the things that kept happening to me), and at once he told me to be quiet and sit down.
OK, what did I learn from this ?
First, know the person in front of you. If he is a known troublemaker, you can give him the benefit of doubt (he may just have acquired a bad reputation by bad luck just like me), but you may still want to be cautious. If he deserves the reputation, he is not likely to show you a trick out of the goodness of his heart...
Second, stop trusting everyone!!! Build a wall around yourself!!! Don't let anyone in ever again!!!
Third (about 10 years later), open this stupid wall that you built, you fool!
Yes, you may learn things that you will regret later, but you can still learn new things. Once you stop learning, what is left ?!?
Another problem you may run into (especially before adulthood) is that all the lessons are right there in front of your eyes, but you just can't see them. The incident I just described happened when I was in 5th grade and about 11 years old, but I only started learning the lessons in it when school was nearly over, when I was 19 and older. Actually, most things I only learnt after I was about 22 or older, and now being 30 I still keep looking back and learning new things saying "Duh! Why didn't I think about that earlier ?". But experience (any type of experience) will make it easier to detect lessons.
One day I will ramble on about my life and the various stages it took, but now the topic is Faith.
You may think now, OK, he has had a few bad things happen to him, and he managed to learn something from it - what has that got to do with faith ?
Well, think about it this way: What if none of these "bad" events had ever happened to me ?
I would most likely have led a protected and "innocent" life, never any trouble - never any need to grow up, no need to learn what life is about, not knowing that too much trust can be just as bad as no trust...
In one sentence: If these things had not happened, I would have NOTHING of what I have today - no experience, no knowledge, not my current life (that I like, and it keeps getting better), not my wonderful wife - and certainly not this Blog :-)
So, next time something bad happens to you, wait a while until you have had a chance to calm down. Close your eyes and relax and let your feelings simmer down, then think back. What could you have done differently ? Would you do something differently next time ?
And if you are young, you may learn things from it that are too extreme and will push you from one extreme to another, but that is what learning is about: Making mistakes and correcting them, and finding the Golden Middle.
And again: What about faith ?
Well, I figured, why did all these events take place in my life ?
To destroy me ? Then they failed.
To strengthen me ? Oh, mamma, you betcha!
Where did they come from ? Can a 15 year long (or even longer) series of countless events whose only purpose seem to be to force me to learn the most important lessons of my life be coincidences ?
This is where faith comes in.
If you don't have any, your answer will most likely be "bah, still coincidences, happen to everyone."
If you believe in something, you may say "yea, someone was looking out for you, making sure you learn."
I believe it couldn't have been planned any better.
The best part is: Now that I HAVE learnt my lessons and am practising as many of the good things I learnt as possible, more and more "good" coincidences are happening to me. This ties in with my last post - good action equals good re-action. Not necessarily every single time, but in the sum, in the larger image.
Yes, I am still experiencing times of misfortune, and I am very (too) critical about myself and constantly watching my actions and trying to make myself a better person. But I am so much happier with myself, in spite of or BECAUSE of all the "bad" things that used to happen to me.
Let me end this one with a little phrase:
Don't call it a "problem" - call it a "challenge"!
Again, comments are very welcome and will all be read!
Imagine a world without selfishness...
I divide selfishness into two different things:
- The wish to be better than or have an advantage over others, often found with greed.
- Making decisions to one's own advantage for self-preservation.
While I strongly believe that currently some selfishness of type 2 is still necessary (mostly because there is a certain amount of people who constantly exercise type 1), I am certain that type one is only in the way of people (even the ones using it) and eventually human evolution.
I am hoping for a world one day in which people will help each other without questions and without having to be cautious about who they help (i.e. when helpfulness is abused or exploited). But the biggest part of humanity is still far from this dream.
One question I often ask myself is how can I truly live by my beliefs when others don't ?
I admit that there are times when I cannot live by my own rules the way I want to, when I just don't have the energy to give to others - that would be a case of selfishness type 2 which I call the "unselfish selfishness". Sometimes you simply can't. But whenever I can, I make an effort to make people around me feel good or at least a bit better, and believe it or not: This constant giving results in constant receiving. Be it a smile or a nod or a thank-you - kindness will come back to you.
You may believe in God or Karma or Energy - or not. It has nothing to do with faith, but with experience.
If you want a less "esoteric" explanation: Doing good to others (after doing it for a while) will make you feel better about yourself, and that will show in your attitude, your behavior, even your face. Others will be able to detect these changes and feel better about you, and they will be more likely to be good to you.
OK, back to the original topic which is that "selfish selfishness" always stands in the way of human evolution.There is a book series that deals with the topic: The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield (I already mentioned it). I do not agree with all of the ideas in it, but one of the general thoughts is that humanity is constantly evolving towards a "higher" plane of existence in which we all can work together without greedy selfish goals, and in the end money will no longer be necessary because everyone will selflessly do their own thing to supply food and other necessities. This also sounds a lot like Gene Roddenberry's vision in Star Trek (mostly seen in The Next Generation and following series - the original Star Trek series was only vaguely based on his ideas since the TV station wanted a Western type show with lots of action...).
Now theoretically I believe in this vision - if more and more people let go of selfishness, others will find that they can safely do the same once a certain level of trust has been established. Cooperation will always create better results than opposition - no one has ever won the heart of a loved one by opposition.
Practically I have yet to see the level of selflessness and trust rise (Redfield expected it to rise visibly with the turn of the century).
From experience I know that there is nothing in this world anyone can do to change another person - that is something that everyone has to find out and to for themselves. But people learn the best from example, and my hope is that if more and more people will live their lives in an unselfish way and gain the results from doing so (maybe even touching the lives of many other people on the way), it will be an example big enough to move the many...
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Some things I believe (part 1)
Before I start:
I am not trying to nor will I ever try to "convert" anyone from their faith and/or believes to mine - I am only offering my personal views. What you, the reader, will do with it, is your responsibility. My views have proven very useful to me, but what works for me does not necessarily work with you...
A little explanation to start with: I was raised and educated in an environment that drew most of its views out of science - father and brother are doctors, graduated from high school in my majors math and biology, and I consider myself a computer geek. Truly not the best basis to develop faith... But it happened.
With all my scientific background, I believe in faith, and I believe in God, and I even believe in the power of prayer.
I will elaborate on this transition another time (I don't want to bore you on my first blog entry *grin*), but for now let me just say that I looked back on my life when I was about 25, and I noticed that somehow it all made sense and worked out. I had always thought that I had had a miserable childhood with a lot of unnecessary pain, but I realized that I would never be where I am today without the bad times in my life, and I would never have learnt a thing about life.
So I noticed that my life seemed to follow a planned path - but I refused to call it God - in science there is no place for God, I thought. After reading "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield, I considered all events in my life "coincidences" that had happened only for me (they also happen for others - I am not trying to elevate myself). And I stopped believing in coincidences.
I could not understand it, so I tried to find a half-way scientific explanation: Scientists have measured some sort of energy leaving the human body - I figured, the sum of all life energy together was the "entity" that created these coincidences. It allows people to intuitively know things because other people already know them, and this energy connected us all, leaking bits of knowledge to other people, thus causing people to act and react in a certain way that would create these coincidences.
Well, that was my theory - the closest I managed to come to faith without calling it God.
I finally gave up - there are too many coincidences happening to be explained by science or my half-bred theory. So I decided to call the sum of all life energy God - at first. Later I followed the crowd - there has to be a reason why so many peoples believe in a God-like entity...
... to be continued ...
P.S.: Comments are very welcome!
edited 8/26/2004: changed typo from "selecting Prophecy" to "Celestine Prophecy" - no idea how that got in there...
I am not trying to nor will I ever try to "convert" anyone from their faith and/or believes to mine - I am only offering my personal views. What you, the reader, will do with it, is your responsibility. My views have proven very useful to me, but what works for me does not necessarily work with you...
A little explanation to start with: I was raised and educated in an environment that drew most of its views out of science - father and brother are doctors, graduated from high school in my majors math and biology, and I consider myself a computer geek. Truly not the best basis to develop faith... But it happened.
With all my scientific background, I believe in faith, and I believe in God, and I even believe in the power of prayer.
I will elaborate on this transition another time (I don't want to bore you on my first blog entry *grin*), but for now let me just say that I looked back on my life when I was about 25, and I noticed that somehow it all made sense and worked out. I had always thought that I had had a miserable childhood with a lot of unnecessary pain, but I realized that I would never be where I am today without the bad times in my life, and I would never have learnt a thing about life.
So I noticed that my life seemed to follow a planned path - but I refused to call it God - in science there is no place for God, I thought. After reading "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield, I considered all events in my life "coincidences" that had happened only for me (they also happen for others - I am not trying to elevate myself). And I stopped believing in coincidences.
I could not understand it, so I tried to find a half-way scientific explanation: Scientists have measured some sort of energy leaving the human body - I figured, the sum of all life energy together was the "entity" that created these coincidences. It allows people to intuitively know things because other people already know them, and this energy connected us all, leaking bits of knowledge to other people, thus causing people to act and react in a certain way that would create these coincidences.
Well, that was my theory - the closest I managed to come to faith without calling it God.
I finally gave up - there are too many coincidences happening to be explained by science or my half-bred theory. So I decided to call the sum of all life energy God - at first. Later I followed the crowd - there has to be a reason why so many peoples believe in a God-like entity...
... to be continued ...
P.S.: Comments are very welcome!
edited 8/26/2004: changed typo from "selecting Prophecy" to "Celestine Prophecy" - no idea how that got in there...
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Purpose of this page
Hi everyone who is reading this.
My name is Richard, and I started this blog to throw out some random pieces of "wisdom" for anyone who is interested.
Whenever I have the time, I will add new bits, and as I keep exploring the possibilities of this site, I will open topics up to comments.
Mainly, I want to share with others what took me years and lots of pain and disappointment to learn - hopefully it will make someone's life easier.
And no, I am not writing this to complain about my life - I found that all I went through was necessary for me to arrive at where I am right now, and I am happy where I am.
More about me another time - gotta go to bed so I can get up to work tomorrow :-)
cu, Richard
My name is Richard, and I started this blog to throw out some random pieces of "wisdom" for anyone who is interested.
Whenever I have the time, I will add new bits, and as I keep exploring the possibilities of this site, I will open topics up to comments.
Mainly, I want to share with others what took me years and lots of pain and disappointment to learn - hopefully it will make someone's life easier.
And no, I am not writing this to complain about my life - I found that all I went through was necessary for me to arrive at where I am right now, and I am happy where I am.
More about me another time - gotta go to bed so I can get up to work tomorrow :-)
cu, Richard
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